I'm nostalgic for a time I didn't exist
Had this thought when I found a youtube rec to a vaporwave playlist. It was this playlist to be specific. A very 90s aesthetic, I guess a 1994 aesthetic in the case of this playlist. But the VHS artifacting, the sounds of 90s songs that might not have existed until recently. I don't know how to explain it. Is it possible to feel nostalgia for something I never experienced? I did actually grow up in the early 2000s with VHS movies, laser disk CDs, and dial up internet. But once we got past dial up, capitalism took over the internet. And we are where we are today where everything must be clean, no artifacting, no weird noises, everything is instant. I feel brainwashed in believing that we need the conveniences we have today. But there's something about quirky analogue media that makes me wish we could go back to that. Like niche indie websites are still a thing, and Neocities is really cool as a successor to Geocities. Its nice to see this sort of thing is still alive. Maybe I'll look in to html/css and try to make my own webpage like that some day.
I guess I can go back to something like how things were. My partner's xbox still works, we can watch movies from CDs if we wanted. But what about music? I'm sure there are old CD players that we can look in to at thrift stores. The old xbox could still work for that too, just need to look in to a decent sound system that hopefully works with it. But will that be the same? I'm not sure.
But back to what the hell I'm writing about. The vaporwave playlist. Weird melancholy emotions and thoughts of wishing for things to be more simple. I think for some people, like myself, we see how things are, and see that so much is impersonal. I think we are being fed how to spend our lives. Gatta grind, everything must be done for a goal. But that's only in the best interest of CEOs and shareholders. Even reading is being treated as a commodity, something you purchase, and shelf or throw away cause the person you watch on TikTok said you should. Probably didn't get past the first few pages. This does nothing for anyone, except to keep you chained to the algorithm. We are being told we don't have time to finish things. We gatta move on to the next thing, because that's what everyone else is doing! What the hell happened to doing things for the sake of doing them? Efficiency is a lie, the mega grindset mentality is bullshit, we are just accelerating our way to waste. And that really sucks. I'm surprised not more people are getting hurt with burnout. Or maybe they are and have no way to externalize their emotions.
I think my own take away from processing my thoughts, is try to give up bad habits. I've already been successful in dropping Facebook, Instagram, and Reddit(The worst one for me). I can keep up with current affairs through certain channels on Discord. Hell, maybe I should cut Discord back.
One of the idea I've come across; replace a bad habit, with a good habit. So here is what I'll try to do:
- When wanting to grab my phone and lurk through conversations, I should instead have a book in hand and read
- I will also try to keep some sort of notebook with me and write
- this can be the 2025 Hex a day workbook i backed on KS. If you're curious, here is the store link
- this can also be a pocket notebook. I should look in to DIYing this
- If I do find myself grabbing my phone and neither options are available, try to limit myself to some amount of time chosen arbitrarily.
- Set the phone down and just spend more time with my thoughts. Its okay to do that
I think the goal of the above should also consider that I want to move away from an 'always online' state. So I can be in a more present state. Like how we were in 1994. With laser disk CDs, VHS, and dial-up internet.
Thank you for your time today.